When Your Spouse Wants Marriage Without Sexual Intimacy: How to Bridge the Gap

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VOEhmDxg2U

In every marriage, there will be seasons of change. Some of those changes deepen your connection, while others can leave you feeling like you’re living miles apart emotionally and physically.

Recently, a viewer wrote to me with this heartfelt question:

"My wife wants the security and companionship in marriage but no sexuality. It didn’t start like this, but once we adopted kids, the sex was withdrawn and never came back. Then she gained weight, checked out, and now has menopause. It seems impossible to bridge the gap. She also refuses to have her hormones checked. What can I do?"

If you’ve ever been blindsided by a major shift in intimacy, you know how disorienting and painful it can be. You may feel like you’ve tried everything, only to hit a wall. Let’s talk through some practical steps for situations like this.

1. Acknowledge That Change Happens in Every Marriage

Marriage is not a fixed picture—it’s more like a moving story. Jobs, children, health, emotional stress, and even spiritual growth can affect how you connect with each other.

But when intimacy changes drastically and unexpectedly, you might feel:

• Surprised: “I didn’t think this would happen to us.”
• Helpless: “We’ve tried, and nothing works.”
• Disconnected: “We feel more like roommates than spouses.”

The first step is recognizing and validating the emotional toll. You can’t address what you won’t acknowledge.

2. Focus on Your Own Growth First

This might feel counterintuitive, but you have 100% control over yourself—and zero control over your spouse’s decisions.

When you focus on your own emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being, several things happen:

• You gain clarity and confidence.
• You’re better prepared for honest, non-defensive conversations.
• You model the kind of engagement you want to see in your marriage.

This is not about giving up on your spouse—it’s about making sure you’re in the healthiest possible place to invite change.

3. Remember God’s Design for Marriage

Sexual intimacy is not just a “bonus” in marriage—it’s part of God’s good design for an intimate connection in spirit, soul, and body.

If you’ve been settling for less because it feels impossible to change, be encouraged: it is possible to rebuild intimacy, even after years of disconnection. I’ve walked with couples who thought it was hopeless, and I’ve seen God bring renewal.

4. Get Support That’s Specific to Your Marriage

Your situation is unique, and you deserve a solution that’s tailor-made for you—not a one-size-fits-all approach.

That’s why my relationship coaching starts with creating a personalized blueprint  for your marriage. We identify:

• The exact roadblocks that are holding you back
• The most effective next steps for your situation
• How to rebuild connection in ways that feel safe and life-giving to both of you

The tools you learn for intimacy will spill over into every other area of your marriage—parenting, finances, family relationships, even how you approach conflict.

5. Take the First Step Toward Change

If you feel stuck in a marriage without intimacy, the first step is simply starting the conversation.

I offer a free discovery call HERE.

I offer a free discovery call where we can talk about your situation, what you’ve tried so far, and what could be possible for your marriage. You’ll also receive my free eBook, God’s Gift to Marriage, which shares truths about sex that many Christians have never heard before.

You don’t have to stay disconnected in marriage. God’s plan for you and your spouse includes joy, closeness, and passion. Let’s walk together toward that vision—spirit, soul, and body.