What Does Your Sex Life Say About Your Marriage?

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Your sex life is an overall measure of your marriage, but the way a healthy sex life is defined might surprise you. Let’s explore some guidelines to measure the health of your marriage through the lens of intimacy.

What a Healthy Sex Life Is Not



A healthy sex life is not defined by:

• The frequency of sexual activity.
• The variety of activities, positions, or romantic gestures like toys and lingerie.

While these elements can play a role, they are not the real measure of intimacy.

Key Measurements of a Healthy Sex Life

1. Awareness of Needs

Being aware of your own needs and your spouse’s needs is essential. This includes recognizing subtle changes in behavior and intention. True intimacy comes from knowing what’s happening inside yourself and staying connected enough to understand your partner.

2. Avoiding Denial or Fear-Based Actions

Healthy intimacy doesn’t come from fear, denial, or avoidance. Engaging in sex due to fear of infidelity or obligation leads to dissatisfaction. Genuine connection is key.

3. Valuing Each Other

Do you truly see and hear your spouse? Understanding their likes, wants, and desired adjustments creates opportunities for deeper connection and oneness. Intimacy grows when both partners feel valued.

4. Open Communication

Talking openly about sex is vital, even though it can be challenging, especially in contexts with mixed messages. Creating a safe space for honest dialogue without fear of judgment or retaliation fosters trust and closeness.

5. Preparing for Life Disruptions

Life can present challenges like stress, illness, child-rearing, or hormonal changes. Discussing and planning for these situations helps maintain intimacy during difficult times.

6. Connection and Oneness

The ultimate goal of sexual intimacy is not just physical satisfaction but genuine connection and oneness. Can you say this about your marriage?

Is Your Sex Life Alive?

The single word that defines a healthy sex life is alive. A sex life that is "alive" reflects ongoing conversations and agreements between partners about their desires, needs, and shared goals. Whatever you and your spouse agree upon is what works best for your relationship.

When your sex life is alive, it mirrors the health and vitality of your marriage as a whole. Remember, intimacy as God designed it is fulfilling, thrilling, and leads to sexual wholeness in marriage.